no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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