marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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