OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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