I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
