official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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