What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
