ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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