I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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