I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
