she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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