I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
