i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
