If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
