I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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