so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
