At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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