I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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