How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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