three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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