and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
