last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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