Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
