I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
