Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
