You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
