We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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