So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ugly people sure do ruin things
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
