Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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I need you to use more vowels.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
