I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
