she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
