I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
