Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
