We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
