how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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