i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
