doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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