i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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