The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
