beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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