oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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