You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
