I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
