I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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