Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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