I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do herpes really smell.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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