The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who died my cat blue again?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
