Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
