Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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