i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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