Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
